So, where to even start? Let's just say I am not going to deny the fact that even though I try to live a simple life, it's pretty much far from it. I try to be the normal one, the one who is destined to do great things, spend half of my life in college getting degrees and experience, the one who is willing to try anything once, the one that sees the light at the end of the tunnel. This part is pretty accurate, it's who I am. I hard headed, stubborn, but open minded person. But we all have downfalls. Mine? I hate people.
You read that.
I.
Hate.
People.
Give me a puppy, I will ooooooo and ahhhhh and coo to it like a baby. Give me a human child, I might say hey to it.
I am like this thanks to a few people I have blood ties with. Family is just awesome right? Ha. Blood is not thicker than water. And if you have one of those huge families that you can barely fit into one house over the holidays, then great for you. I can't imagine even having a family that can stand being near each other for more than 5 minutes. It must be nice.
Let me start here.
I was thirteen years old. It was spring break in my 8th grade year. My world changed forever. My darling, sweet (READ: SARCASM HERE) older sister was actually, well, the woman who birthed me. Whoa. What? No way!
Yes way.
And no one told me these facts. My detective skills began at a young age, and I discovered the truth via a lovely old photo album buried in a closet under some blankets. The one time I try cleaning the house and be a good child, and BOOM. Hey, your life has been a lie up to this point.
So here I was, with photos in my hand, revealing the two people I had been calling my parents all along were my grandparents that adopted me at the age of 3, the older 'sis' was my mother, my dad was off somewhere covered in tattoos and drinking his life away with college kids, and my two 'nephews' were my half-brothers.
Trust me, it'll screw with your head for a while.
When you start to let the truth soak in, it's hard. You'll wake up, and your first thought in the morning is 'it didn't really happen. I dreamed it. No freakin way'. Then you see reminders, such as photos, emails, whatever it might be and BAM it's like finding out all over again. Just like a bad break up. Denial. It sucks, but it's how we humans handle things.
I was already dealing with my first 'love', his friends stealing from my house, and enough as a teenager to make your head want to explode, and this was just a cherry on top of it all.
Let me begin to describe this awesome sister/mother to you. She's quite the charmer, she's attractive, funny, witty, and will make you think she is just a good, honest, caring person. But don't let that fool you. She is out for your soul. SOUL I TELL YOU. Ok, not your soul. Maybe just whatever you might give her, especially what might be sitting in your bank account right now. She hates working. Her favorites hobbies include, but not limited to:
Shopping. I mean, she's a woman. But I mean, every day need something new type of shopping.
Ruining relationships. Especially marriages. And even some of her own. Faithful she is not.
Lying. Oooooo boy is this her favorite. She loves to lie just to do it. She loves to seem poor and innocent and in need of sympathy, attention, and possibly a few hand outs.
Drinking. She can party with the best of them, known to be found in bars.
Xanax. Her favorite drug of choice. I mean, she even had her car repo'd and her only concern was 'I had a whole bag of xannies in there!' She really has some priorities going for her.
Online dating. Yes. Even back before it was a thing. I was like, not even three and she ran of to Florida with a dude she met online, running up that dial up internet bill to a thousand bucks (it was the 90's) and vanished for a bit. She still does the online thing. She needs to keep the attention going. She can't stay faithful and loves to have gifts sent to her, so it's the quickest and easiest way to accomplish this.I can't say I haven't personally messed with her on her online dating stuff.
Dieting. Oh yes. She's one of those. The weird thing is, sometimes she's average, then sometimes she'll starve herself and be a toothpick. I do know this, after observing this creature for a few years, I have come to realize that when she has some meat on her bones, she's pretty normal. If she is skinny, you better run for the hills because that bitch is CRAZY. In other words, if you see this specimen looking like a starving Ethiopian, get her a sandwich and fast. Maybe she goes bat shit crazy because she's hungry. That takes 'HANGRY' to a whole new level.
Getting divorced. Husband number five is an available position now. Better make a good dating profile soon, make sure you say how much money you make, get a picture of you looking really nice and sophisticated, talk about the nice cars and house you own, and she will definitely enjoy if you say how much you travel all over the world. She even DRUGGED a previous husband to leave him. She put sleeping pills in his dinner, packed her shit, and she got a previous husband to drive to another state to come get her. Then she left him too. So, add Using Vulnerable Men to this list, too.
And last but not least, HATING ME. No, this isn't a typo. Not a mistake. Not even an exaggeration. I can't deny the feeling isn't mutual. She has spent a lot of her time in her life trying make me miserable, trying to get some kind of dirt on me, to ruin relationships, to ruin jobs, to ruin anything and everything. She did help with ruining the some what of a relationship I had with my biological father, but, I'll get to that later. This woman has hated me since, I am assuming, birth. She even made sure I was lonely and forgotten about in my teenage years, making them even more horrible than they should have been. She is not a mom. She was never meant to be a mother to nurture and love. And yet, here she is, spitting out three kids who were ended up being raised by someone other than herself. Luckily for the world though, she is no longer able to add to my sibling list.
This woman is a walking demon I am pretty sure. She destroys all happiness she can find. She will convince you to help her, and she will end up draining you of either a.) trust in humanity b.) all your money c.) your love and compassion in the world or d.) all of the above plus many more depending on your situation with her. She will suck your soul and leave it out in the sun to dry up and get crispy. Then she'll crush it up and put it on her salad for dinner.
I haven't seen my two younger brothers in about 4 years. One is in college, not even an hour away, and the other is 13, and pretty depressed from what I can tell. They have been taken in by their father and his latest wife, who are both pretty insane themselves. He is a drunk who loves him some cheep beers and driving cars. Awesome. He also likes prescription pills and not keeping a job. Great guy. They were around for a bit until I went sniffing out the real secrets and found the drug stash, then they ran off and DFACS was called, but oh, right, they're a freakin joke so nothing happened.
I have my brothers' initials' tattooed on my wrists in white ink. I got it about two years ago now, to ensure if anything ever happened to me, they'd know I never forgot them. They have been ripped out of my life more times than I bother to count, and now, it seems to be for a long haul. No idea what was told to them, no idea why I am not allowed to see or even speak to them, no idea why this shit happens to me. But guess what? It is what it is. Unfortunately. I make my life not revolve on the effed up past, and definitely not on my sick and twisted family members that I can thank for not aborting me in 1990. I just thank them for being sperm donors and a carrier for me in the womb, and I strive to be the exact opposite of them. A college graduate, earning my masters, keeping a job, not an addict, don't smoke, a faithful partner, and most of all, not a POS and waste of a life. #sorrynotsorry
So here I am, turning 23 in a week's time. It's been 10 years that I have known this awful truth, wishing it would go away, and knowing it's quite a story to be told. So here I am, telling it to some strangers. This is only the beginning of some good reads.
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