And we wonder why guys think we are dumb....

Here are some of the reasons guys think we (females) might be dumb. Let's change how we are seen, shall we?


1.) Quit taking selfies as you drive your child(ren) around. We all see the car seat and the little booger in the back. Or the light up shoe behind your head that you tried to crop out. We aren't idiots. Pay attention to the road and put your child's life before your Facebook profile pic. Please.

2.) Needing at least 3 girlfriends to go to the potty with. Is a monster in there? Are you going to be mugged? Scared of the pee pee monster? Are you five? Come on, ladies. After like age 16 quit it. Even then, it's annoying. Makes us look like we can't handle things on our own if we can't even go pee without a companion.

3.) Sending sexts and nudes after talking to a guy for 2.5 seconds. Are you kidding me? You call all these guys d-bags and players but if there aren't enough dumb girls to fuel his fire, he wouldn't be able to be one. Quit making it easy for these idiots to do this to us. Stop dirty talking a guy after he sends you a friend request and then crying all night because he never actually calls wanting a real date with you. Also, maybe you should look him up on the many apps and sites these days where previous girls rate guys. Let's use that brain up there, please.

4.) Posting about the partying, dating, money spending you are doing when you have a child at home. It's obvious you aren't taking care of the little one. But when you post how wasted you got last night, come on. Whether you had your baby at 16 or 38, you have to realize you have to grow up now. If you are a young mom, accept the fact you need to be an adult for the next 18 years pretty much and give up the teenage/college life. I mainly see this on Twitter. We know you are a mother, yet you post more inappropriate things than anyone else. Grow. up.



5.) Acting dumb for a guy to like you. Whether you really do have a brain or not, playing even stupider (ha ha, get it?) won't help your case. I see people often acting dumb to get likes. Girls mainly. Show off your brains! And stop acting like you like/don't like things to impress others. If a guy just wants a dumb blonde, let him find another one. Start worrying about things like your career goals, what inspires you most, instead of what color dress you need for that party or what Callie said Jason said that Maria did last week with John.

6.) Caring about social activities more than studies/work/your future. So what comes to mind when I say 'Sorority'. They are always thought of being full of the dumb, bimbo, party hard, easy college girls. Annoying girls that got into college because the family money got them there. What if that wasn't the case? The idea of a sorority is awesome, having a family at school, when you are away from home. Having a lifetime full of sisters and love. But it has been trashed and made into something known as annoying and ridiculous because of the girls who joined. We could change that. We could show the world college girls are intelligent, loving, smart, and wonderful beings. So put some panties on, open those textbooks, and show the real reason you got into that college, the spark that school saw that made them want you. Quit going to parties, flashing your boobs for money, and change out that vodka tonic for an iced coffee.

7.) Letting guys feel like they make the rules, for both of you. Speak up. Quit being afraid to open up and being honest if something bothers you because you are afraid 'he'll leave you'. Who cares if he leaves you? Don't depend on him, you can make it without anyone. And you'll do well to remember that and to believe it. If he forgot something and it really upset you, let it be known. Don't be timid. That puts the image that we females are fragile, and we aren't. We are made to handle a lot, men don't bleed once a month and birth children, right? We can handle it, and it's okay to be tough. Show you won't take anyone's crap.

8.) Making you sound like you are dying once a month. If you have a vagina, you bleed once a month. Unless you got tubes tied, or whatever you changed. Now, if you really do have medical problems with terrible cramps, etc. you probably do have serious pain, but they have medicine and stuff for it these days, so you still don't have much of an excuse. Quit acting surprised, quit acting like you are dying. You have had this happen to you 12 times a year since you were a pre-teen probably. And quit saying things like 'At least I'm not pregnant'. Really? Do you know how that makes you sound? That you are dumb, sexually active, and obviously not taking the precautions to prevent a pregnancy. Stick a tampon in, take some Midol, and get on with life. Like a woman.

9.) The birth control issue. It shouldn't be an issue. You should be able to use your brain if the guy isn't. Sex and love are two different things. If someone loves you, they'll understand you aren't willing to risk this. But girls are known for letting a guy think with his second head and do his deed and you are left worrying if you are pregnant until your monthly visitor time comes. And even then, you worry alone, not telling him that you are afraid you could be pregnant. Can we quit this? It takes two to tango. And when it comes down to the dirty deed, guys are sex obsessed. It's the truth. It's what rules in their world. So since we normally aren't programmed like that, can we be the bigger person and flat out say 'no'. Say NO! And can you start setting an alarm and caring more about taking your BC on time? Please?
Guys aren't worried about it but you are, don't just think 'if I don't have sex with him right now, even though we don't have a condom/the pill/money for Plan B he won't love me'.

10. Abbreviating everything. LMAO, I totes saw her pic on FaBo. Isn't it gorge? OMG, obvi she is doing something right!
QUIT IT! You look so dumb if you can't even spell out or fully pronounce words. Simple words, at that. Like 'selfie' being the latest, and it's the number one word for the year 2013? Are we really that bad? How about you take those social media sites you are posting 29378943 pictures of yourself in the same position/clothes/hair, and follow pages that will educate you? Learn something knew. Feed your brain instead of your ego.

11.) Acting like Facebook/Twitter/Instagram is your model portfolio. Pretty self explanatory. We all have the one girl on our friend list who posts all her problems daily (I have a headache, feed me, cuddle me, give me attention) who also posts her daily photo session in the bathroom. The sad thing is, on my end, the person who does this most is also a single mom. Quit wasting time on the internet. Go play with your child, read a book, take a class, get a part time job, I don't care just better yourself.

12.) Being clones of one another. Can we stop with all having the same purses, the same yoga pants, walking around with big 'sunnies' on our faces, getting our gel polish done, and carrying around Starbs? Can we some how quit acting like other people, especially people we don't even know? That Mocha, designer bag, and Lulu Lemons aren't making you a better person. They aren't improving the world, they aren't changing anything. This is why the majority of people are in debt, and why problems like eating disorders are around. People hate themselves, the way they are. Instead, they dream day and night of becoming just like that celebrity, or that model, or even that girl at school. Quit hating yourself. Quit changing yourself to be like someone else. It's okay that your thighs touch, it's ok if you can't actually afford that $500 bag.

13.) Apologizing for everything. 'I'm sorry, I ordered fries, not onion rings.' 'I'm sorry, I don't think this is mine.' 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.' 'I'm sorry I say sorry all the time for no reason.' Does this sound familiar? Probably. I find that most of us feel the need to apologize for everything. Is it necessary? Of course not.So stop apologizing if someone else messed up, stop saying you're sorry you didn't know you were meant to do something, and stop apologizing for someone else giving you the wrong thing. Most of these situations, you shouldn't be the sorry one at all. Instead, you should be the one being apologized to. Make a mental attempt to zip it with the S word.

14.) Before asking a really stupid question, use Google. We all have brain farts. We all do. No matter how smart you really are. I forgot how to spell use not long ago, I was also sick as a dog and just woke up. It happens. But before I asked the stupid question, I found the answer myself. Think before you ask/type/speak. Or be like this girl:

REALLY?!

So let's use our brain, shall we?

Juicy cops

I collect funny pictures for a living. No, I wish. But I do collect them, I just don't get paid for it. I'll share some here at times.

Mother Nature needs her meds

F R I D A Y, bitches.

It's officially my birthday on Sunday. And if you have read my previous post down there somewhere, you know I have a curse. The birthday curse. I don't make this shit up. I wish I did. 

The birthday curse has already hit, with this awesome flu/cold shit I have. Thank you to whoever gave it to me. Love you XOXO

Anyone live in the south? How about Georgia? Well that's where I am and wow. This weather. It's December and supposed to be frigid. It's currently 68 and has been around 70 and up all week long. We even had what sounded and looked like a summer storm last night. Mother Nature is bipolar. And needs her meds.

Poppin bottles

So....this is what's meant by 'poppin bottles' I think, right?

I'm having a breakdown (thanks holiday stress today, boy have you been missed) but making it better with corny jokes about lemons. Because life didn't give me lemons, it's given me lemonade. Well, technically the IT guy gave me lemonade, and his name isn't life but whatever. You get it.

Unicorn horn

And these are the things I hate the most

So let's be real. Phone calls suck. With the many ways of communicating with text messages, IM, snapchat, twitter, fabo, instagram, kik, email, skype and whatever else might be out there, phone calls should be obsolete. 

But they aren't.

Especially at work. And I hate it. If you're going to call someone, state your reason for calling. I do not live for the awkward silence of wondering if you are going to speak or I need to. And I am not going to sit and waste time by hearing you breathe, you creep. Stutter a couple times or spend 3472893 minutes to tell me something that you could've said in a matter of two sentences, I will end up hanging up on your ass. And I don't care.

Now awkward phone calls are bad enough. But what's the worst thing another person can do? Try staring at people for no damn reason. 

So there are people walking out there in public flaunting their spongebob jammies, their lovely muffin tops, and clown makeup. And then there's me. Usually in jeans and T-shirt. And you choose me to stare at versus the idiot in the Halloween costume in the middle of winter. Genius.

Whether it's a guy checking me out, or just an idiot staring at me because they think I look nice, am an alien, or Satan's spawn, look somewhere else. 

I need to come up with a good comeback to it. I most certainly comment on the staring most times. Because I just dgaf. Or I make a weird face. Maybe I should start mooning them or something. Or actually go out with a horn on my forehead and be a magical unicorn. More fun than being me, for sure.

Playing the field, the YES and NOs

Dating. One night stands. Love. Life.

I have done it all. Committed long lasting relationships. Dating casually. Flirted. One night stands. Friends with Benefits. Leading guy(s) on. Dated 5 guys at once. Used a few (yes, I feel guilty looking back). I can help you on your significant other journey, no matter your goal.

The Rules.

1.) First and foremost, figure out what you are wanting. If you want a relationship, make that clear. If you just want to have some fun, don't act like you want more.

2.) Girls, quit blaming guys for being the players and heart breakers. Don't even try to act innocent. We all do it. We all have that one person we used because he had a car when you didn't. He bought you food when you were hungry. He paid for you to see that movie you were dying to see. He brought you flowers. But you had no interest him. But you wanted the bonuses you got with him. We all do it. Admit it and move on.

3.) Been hurt and broken over and over? Just got cheated on after a long ass relationship? Find your payback but not with the person who did it to you. If you do that, you'll first start off saying 'oh man I am so gonna make them pay for it' and believe you will only be winning them back to shit on their heart, but in the end, you will fall for the charm that got you with them in the first place and......be right back at square one. Unless you are a rare, strange breed, you will end up back in love. So I suggest you find someone, maybe a friend of a friend, maybe a guy who hinted he liked you but you brushed it off because you knew he was a serious d-bag. Find this d-bag, find the player, find that guy that thinks he is the shit and God's gift to women. Now the fun begins. Play him. Do what he does to all the girls. But of course, be discreet about it. Act like you are head over hills with him, but text two other guys while you watch that movie beside him. Let him beg you to come over every night after work, but be sure you see your other guys on the side, too. Let him feel like he is number one, let him think you are oblivious to his d-bag ways like all the other girls usually are with him, and then you throw him out like he does the bitches before you. Do it BEFORE he does it to you. You have to do a turn around on him. You have to damage that ego. He will wonder WTF is wrong with him now. Where he messed up. Prove how unimportant he really has been to you and how you actually love Billy from down the road and just liked hanging out for the 'insert something stupid like the way he fixes his tea here'. This will make you feel good. This will make you feel powerful. Like you can do anything. And you will feel awesome knowing you just did what a lot of girls that he previously played have dreamed about.

4.) One night stands. There is a code to these things. You need to go and do the deed and move on. They say only women get attached and want more from these things. But in my experience, we aren't the only ones. The best one night stands are the ones where you are not even friends. You met online, you met at a party, you met at the bar. You have no mutual friends. Want the even better experience? Make sure you use a fake name. If the other person ends up wanting more or to find you again, they'll start asking around for a Mary even though your name is Shelly. It works if you really don't want anything more than a drunken night of fun. And yes, that's my way of saying be tipsy. Do it. Get it out of your system, girl. I am not here to judge you.

5.) Friends with Benefits. Let me state this now. These hardly EVER have good endings unless you end up dating each other out of it. Whether you knew each other before, have made a pact, are ex's knowing each others quirks, or just met. This will end badly. You can sign a contract saying no feelings need to be involved and I promise when this ends, no matter if it's because one of you gets in a relationship, one of you moves, or you just part ways, one of you will be left there in the dust, and it'll be a sex break up. It'll suck. And they will return to flying solo for a while. So proceed in these with caution. Extreme caution.

Note: It's REALLY REALLY REALLY not advised to do the whole 'FWB' thing with an ex. I get that you two know what you like and all that junk, but please, don't torture yourself with it. You will go through a second break up pretty much when it ends. Because it will. They're your ex for a reason in the first place, right?

6.) Using online dating sites as your hook up sites is really stupid. Looking at you, boys. I met my boyfriend that I have been with for a while now on a dating site, the same dating site my roommate found her husband and a few other people found their significant others. I had heard good things about it and figured, what the hell. My main annoying problem I had with the boys on the dating sites would have to be the d-bags who were looking for ass. There are sites that are STRICTLY for that. Go to them. Or just use Facebook. Go to a bar. I don't care. But quit putting 'seeking a relationship' when you clearly aren't. And for you people on dating sites even though you are in a committed relationship/marriage, there's a special place in hell for you. Hope your significant other finds out and does you dirty in return.

7.) Stop adding every person of the opposite sex on social media after a break up. We see you. We know what you're doing. Just stop.

8.) Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. If you have a person you love, keep them. And understand how they act. Boys are gonna check girls out. They are going to look at ass and boobs. They are going to watch porn. They are going to rate other chicks. Accept it. The more you complain, hate on it, etc. the more they'll hide from you. They aren't stopping, they just will learn to keep it from you better.

9.) Getting engaged before you finish college/after 2 months/because you're preggo. Well, let's just say love doesn't last. And it takes time before you really know someone. And you should be with someone in real life situations before saying 'I do'. You need to know that the slurping they do with their coffee at 6 am drives you insane, they suck at saving money, you can't rely on them to do the dishes before a science project starts growing on them, and you can't handle their aftermath in the bathroom. These are things that, as small as they seem, you will scream and fight about. If they can't handle money and bills, you probably won't last. You have to know you two can talk it out, and know how to work the problems out. By living in separate dorms, 30 minutes away, seeing each other once a week, only knowing each other 6 months, and being pregnant does not indicate love. It just means you should figure out what's going on and maybe have a long engagement, but just take your time.

10.) Last but not least, quit lying. Quit being things you aren't. Stop having your standards higher than they should be, stop judging books by their covers and get good at selling yourself if you are out there dating. Get to know yourself first, know who you are inside and out before you even start flirting. If you need to, spend alone time first. If you can't be by yourself and stand it, what makes you think someone else can?

Best Friends.....Don't Exist

OMG MY BFF!

Quit lying to yourself. The stories of girls being best friends for 18 years, being conjoined at the hip, doing everything together...honestly, makes me want to barf. I don't rely on anyone. I don't want to. I don't need to. I know, I know, I am the odd one and you probably aren't. But from my experience, most people aren't going to be there for you, do things for you, and be a true friend without you doing something for them. You go out of your way again and again and again and ask for nothing in return. They move, you help without anything in return. They call you sick asking for you to bring soup. You do it. It's their birthday, you make the plans and buy the gifts, even make the cake. But when it's you moving, it's you who is sick or hurt, or it's you having the birthday, where are all the friends then? In my experience, they vanish. They can't help. Or they want something from you in return. 

Welcome to 2013.

My most recent BFF relationship was the most true one I have ever had and it still feels like a freakin break up. When I see her post pictures and junk on social media, I want to throw the laptop or phone across the room, scream, eat ice cream, and cry into my rabbit's soft fur until I sleep. Of course, I don't do any of these things but it still sucks. 

We met working at a retail store selling sunglasses.

                                                                                                             Sooooo exciting I know.

She was the assistant manager and pretty much running the show. The manager of the store was a nut, I mean, he was the highlight of most work days for me in the beginning. He was a school PE coach that had been laid off. He was always telling stories and saying this that would either make you go WTF or laugh your ass off. He wasn't much of a manager per say, he would go to the store or bank and never return for the rest of the day, or would goof off on Youtube instead of checking inventory. He was a cool guy, but running the store he didn't really do. So Sarah (no, not her real name) did. She did inventory checks, ordered new things as needed, cleaned the store, and did most of his duties. She was a year younger than me and shorter. I don't run into many people that are shorter than me, so when I do, I like hanging out with them to feel tall once in a while. (judge me). 

This was our boss. I wasn't kidding about him....

So Sarah was the one who started training me. She was a pretty awesome girl. She was shy and loved sun dresses. Her hair was short and usually put back. She was hard core vegetarian and would give you weird looks often. At first, I was like 'oh great, another bitch that doesn't like me before I even speak'. She realized I was a fast learner and not too bad at the job. She and I started working more and more together and finally, I broke her. She started laughing at the stupid brutal shit I would say and warmed up to my odd ways. She introduced me to trance music (especially Skrillex) and I introduced her to the life of not giving a f***. 

This was a fun time of my life. I was living with a roommate near my college, I was super single and totally playing guys left and right. I was actually being social and doing things I really shouldn't. Before this time, I was always acting like an adult, working a desk job, living with a boyfriend worrying about bills and acting like a married 40 year old. Now, I was playing the field, drinking, and hanging with different people every night. It was fun.

So Sarah and I started texting more and then we even started going out together. Especially when our gay friend started working at the store too. He was just the right person we needed to add to our adventures. I will simply call him Jwow because well, it suits him wonderfully. He's a crazy, wonderfully dressed and very, very open and honest person. He meets no stranger. When Jwow first started, he immediately started with stories about sex with his boyfriend and their problems. I have no issues with talking about pretty much anything. Nothing embarrasses me. Sarah on the other hand hates burping, farting, sex talk, or anything else that might make you blush. But she stuck around and dealt with our sex talks in the end.

Jwow was/is a singer. I mean blasting Adele on the work computer and belting it out. This boy should get a record deal. No joke. He can hit high notes I didn't know boys (gay or not) could hit. We would go downtown and meet Jwow and his boyfriend (who was the straightest gay guy I have ever seen in my life) to see him sing at certain bars. He would be offered free drinks all night if he would sing on certain nights. These were super fun times since Sarah was underage, I had a fake ID and Jwow just knew everyone. He would get Sarah in, and I would buy a drink which we would attempt to share. I say attempt because this girl didn't play with her alcohol. She was mainly a wine girl, but when we would be sharing out in the bars, I would turn for a second and she would suck every drop out of that cup. Then she would get a little wobbly and even attempt to smoke cigarettes and talk to random strangers. It was always a fun time. 

When Sarah and I met, I knew she was planning on moving and going to school close to the coast, a good 5 hours away. I knew this and it still surprised and upset me when the day came for her to leave. I got a bunch of snacks and drinks and we met at the sunglass store the night before she was leaving. We had a small going away thing and I was the most upset. She had become that friend I had always wanted. That friend that I heard other girls talking about having. I thought 'wow, I actually found it. This is it. We can be friends forever. She'll be my Maid of Honor when I marry. She'll be my kid's God mother'. 

Annnddddd.....that came crashing down.

For the first 6 months after she moved, we were still great. Talked often, I came to see her not even 2 or 3 months after she had moved. She was still new to the area, and we still got lost a lot. I met a couple of her friends she had made, and loved the area. That city is still my favorite place I have ever visited in my life. It was beautiful, artistic and the scenery is gorgeous. I helped her with a photoshoot while I was down there (she does photography on the side from work and school) and we ate a lot of good food. It was so much fun. 

I met my boyfriend now, and moved from the county Sarah and I had grown up in. I moved to a city too and finished my first degree and worked in a couple bars. Sarah met a new boy, and she came back home for a weekend to visit and she told me about her new guy some. I finally got to meet him when my boyfriend and I went down to see them for a weekend ourselves, and it was awkward. So awkward. It was that first love kind of thing for them, just blissfully into themselves and that's all they know. My boyfriend and I, we love each other but we get that we have friends and other things going on in life that may not have to do with our relationship. Sarah was so into him and I hardly saw her even though we were staying with them. When we came back home, Sarah fell off the planet. She started posting more and more of her with her new man, she had new friends, and even posted pictures of her going home and seeing some friends but never told me she was around. I gave up. I wasn't an idiot. She left me behind as she got her new life. 

Everyone is engaged or pregnant. I mean everyone. I would say it's something in the water but I drink more water than anyone I know and I am nowhere near either of these things. Sarah was drinking whatever this shit is in because on Facebook, the ring showed up. She never told me, she never text me, messaged me, nothing. I found out like I found out everything about everyone (I found out I became an aunt from my older brother by seeing his daughter after she was born on facebook) is through that stupid site. 

Sarah posted her engagement pictures, the sickeningly sweet lovey dovey pics. I am happy she found love, that's great. But I am not one to advocate marriage at 22, especially when she and this guy hadn't known each other or even been dating even as long as my guy and I had been. My first love, the one I first moved in with and thought was 'the one' was not. Oh HELL NO. You need to live with the person, you need to be in real life situations like bills, money, stress and breathing down each other's necks before you move on to the 'forever' stage. But, that's my opinion. Which I am pretty sure she would know my opinion after we had complained that everytime we logged on the internet there were more and more engaged and pregnant friends from high school left and right. And now she was joining them.

I saw posts about her new BFF getting dresses with her, I have seen a post that she and her man have a wedding website but never shared the link, and I know the wedding is happening in 2014. That's it. That's all I know. No invites. No words about it. I am a no one. Look at my facebook, you'll see funny pictures, animals in funny ass outfits, posts about starting a new school for my next degree, and yoga/workout pictures. That's it. 

Hello! I'm still here! You remember me? I helped you come out of your shell! I was there when you first moved down there! I still burp loud and need someone to tell me I'm gross. My dog still misses you. I still have that dance game we played. And I still make a mean pasta dish. I still exist! Hello! Over here! No, here! HELLLOOOOOO!?

I vanish. Everyone forgets me. I am easily forgotten I suppose. I become that tiny memory in the back of your head, like a dream when you try to remember it after waking up. It's vibrant and strong at first, then fades into a fog as the day goes on. 

So, here I am. I take no shit. I don't even try anymore. I am making a few friends here and there at my new college but I think true friends, well, to put it plainly, is BULLSHIT. It's a term that sounds promising, but doesn't actually exist in the real world. 

If you think you have a true BFF. Don't hold your breath. If you are on death row and needing help, are they coming to your rescue? If it was down to it, you two were starving and you had only one portion of food left, would they share it with you or just keep it to themselves? Think about it real hard. And don't take your relationship too seriously. It'll vanish before you know it.