OMG MY BFF!
Quit lying to yourself. The stories of girls being best friends for 18 years, being conjoined at the hip, doing everything together...honestly, makes me want to barf. I don't rely on anyone. I don't want to. I don't need to. I know, I know, I am the odd one and you probably aren't. But from my experience, most people aren't going to be there for you, do things for you, and be a true friend without you doing something for them. You go out of your way again and again and again and ask for nothing in return. They move, you help without anything in return. They call you sick asking for you to bring soup. You do it. It's their birthday, you make the plans and buy the gifts, even make the cake. But when it's you moving, it's you who is sick or hurt, or it's you having the birthday, where are all the friends then? In my experience, they vanish. They can't help. Or they want something from you in return.
Welcome to 2013.
My most recent BFF relationship was the most true one I have ever had and it still feels like a freakin break up. When I see her post pictures and junk on social media, I want to throw the laptop or phone across the room, scream, eat ice cream, and cry into my rabbit's soft fur until I sleep. Of course, I don't do any of these things but it still sucks.
We met working at a retail store selling sunglasses.
Sooooo exciting I know.
She was the assistant manager and pretty much running the show. The manager of the store was a nut, I mean, he was the highlight of most work days for me in the beginning. He was a school PE coach that had been laid off. He was always telling stories and saying this that would either make you go WTF or laugh your ass off. He wasn't much of a manager per say, he would go to the store or bank and never return for the rest of the day, or would goof off on Youtube instead of checking inventory. He was a cool guy, but running the store he didn't really do. So Sarah (no, not her real name) did. She did inventory checks, ordered new things as needed, cleaned the store, and did most of his duties. She was a year younger than me and shorter. I don't run into many people that are shorter than me, so when I do, I like hanging out with them to feel tall once in a while. (judge me).
This was our boss. I wasn't kidding about him....
So Sarah was the one who started training me. She was a pretty awesome girl. She was shy and loved sun dresses. Her hair was short and usually put back. She was hard core vegetarian and would give you weird looks often. At first, I was like 'oh great, another bitch that doesn't like me before I even speak'. She realized I was a fast learner and not too bad at the job. She and I started working more and more together and finally, I broke her. She started laughing at the stupid brutal shit I would say and warmed up to my odd ways. She introduced me to trance music (especially Skrillex) and I introduced her to the life of not giving a f***.
This was a fun time of my life. I was living with a roommate near my college, I was super single and totally playing guys left and right. I was actually being social and doing things I really shouldn't. Before this time, I was always acting like an adult, working a desk job, living with a boyfriend worrying about bills and acting like a married 40 year old. Now, I was playing the field, drinking, and hanging with different people every night. It was fun.
So Sarah and I started texting more and then we even started going out together. Especially when our gay friend started working at the store too. He was just the right person we needed to add to our adventures. I will simply call him Jwow because well, it suits him wonderfully. He's a crazy, wonderfully dressed and very, very open and honest person. He meets no stranger. When Jwow first started, he immediately started with stories about sex with his boyfriend and their problems. I have no issues with talking about pretty much anything. Nothing embarrasses me. Sarah on the other hand hates burping, farting, sex talk, or anything else that might make you blush. But she stuck around and dealt with our sex talks in the end.
Jwow was/is a singer. I mean blasting Adele on the work computer and belting it out. This boy should get a record deal. No joke. He can hit high notes I didn't know boys (gay or not) could hit. We would go downtown and meet Jwow and his boyfriend (who was the straightest gay guy I have ever seen in my life) to see him sing at certain bars. He would be offered free drinks all night if he would sing on certain nights. These were super fun times since Sarah was underage, I had a fake ID and Jwow just knew everyone. He would get Sarah in, and I would buy a drink which we would attempt to share. I say attempt because this girl didn't play with her alcohol. She was mainly a wine girl, but when we would be sharing out in the bars, I would turn for a second and she would suck every drop out of that cup. Then she would get a little wobbly and even attempt to smoke cigarettes and talk to random strangers. It was always a fun time.
When Sarah and I met, I knew she was planning on moving and going to school close to the coast, a good 5 hours away. I knew this and it still surprised and upset me when the day came for her to leave. I got a bunch of snacks and drinks and we met at the sunglass store the night before she was leaving. We had a small going away thing and I was the most upset. She had become that friend I had always wanted. That friend that I heard other girls talking about having. I thought 'wow, I actually found it. This is it. We can be friends forever. She'll be my Maid of Honor when I marry. She'll be my kid's God mother'.
Annnddddd.....that came crashing down.
For the first 6 months after she moved, we were still great. Talked often, I came to see her not even 2 or 3 months after she had moved. She was still new to the area, and we still got lost a lot. I met a couple of her friends she had made, and loved the area. That city is still my favorite place I have ever visited in my life. It was beautiful, artistic and the scenery is gorgeous. I helped her with a photoshoot while I was down there (she does photography on the side from work and school) and we ate a lot of good food. It was so much fun.
I met my boyfriend now, and moved from the county Sarah and I had grown up in. I moved to a city too and finished my first degree and worked in a couple bars. Sarah met a new boy, and she came back home for a weekend to visit and she told me about her new guy some. I finally got to meet him when my boyfriend and I went down to see them for a weekend ourselves, and it was awkward. So awkward. It was that first love kind of thing for them, just blissfully into themselves and that's all they know. My boyfriend and I, we love each other but we get that we have friends and other things going on in life that may not have to do with our relationship. Sarah was so into him and I hardly saw her even though we were staying with them. When we came back home, Sarah fell off the planet. She started posting more and more of her with her new man, she had new friends, and even posted pictures of her going home and seeing some friends but never told me she was around. I gave up. I wasn't an idiot. She left me behind as she got her new life.
Everyone is engaged or pregnant. I mean everyone. I would say it's something in the water but I drink more water than anyone I know and I am nowhere near either of these things. Sarah was drinking whatever this shit is in because on Facebook, the ring showed up. She never told me, she never text me, messaged me, nothing. I found out like I found out everything about everyone (I found out I became an aunt from my older brother by seeing his daughter after she was born on facebook) is through that stupid site.
Sarah posted her engagement pictures, the sickeningly sweet lovey dovey pics. I am happy she found love, that's great. But I am not one to advocate marriage at 22, especially when she and this guy hadn't known each other or even been dating even as long as my guy and I had been. My first love, the one I first moved in with and thought was 'the one' was not. Oh HELL NO. You need to live with the person, you need to be in real life situations like bills, money, stress and breathing down each other's necks before you move on to the 'forever' stage. But, that's my opinion. Which I am pretty sure she would know my opinion after we had complained that everytime we logged on the internet there were more and more engaged and pregnant friends from high school left and right. And now she was joining them.
I saw posts about her new BFF getting dresses with her, I have seen a post that she and her man have a wedding website but never shared the link, and I know the wedding is happening in 2014. That's it. That's all I know. No invites. No words about it. I am a no one. Look at my facebook, you'll see funny pictures, animals in funny ass outfits, posts about starting a new school for my next degree, and yoga/workout pictures. That's it.
Hello! I'm still here! You remember me? I helped you come out of your shell! I was there when you first moved down there! I still burp loud and need someone to tell me I'm gross. My dog still misses you. I still have that dance game we played. And I still make a mean pasta dish. I still exist! Hello! Over here! No, here! HELLLOOOOOO!?
I vanish. Everyone forgets me. I am easily forgotten I suppose. I become that tiny memory in the back of your head, like a dream when you try to remember it after waking up. It's vibrant and strong at first, then fades into a fog as the day goes on.
So, here I am. I take no shit. I don't even try anymore. I am making a few friends here and there at my new college but I think true friends, well, to put it plainly, is BULLSHIT. It's a term that sounds promising, but doesn't actually exist in the real world.
If you think you have a true BFF. Don't hold your breath. If you are on death row and needing help, are they coming to your rescue? If it was down to it, you two were starving and you had only one portion of food left, would they share it with you or just keep it to themselves? Think about it real hard. And don't take your relationship too seriously. It'll vanish before you know it.
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